If there is one thing I have learned in life, it’s never to read books. Books are a vile invention. Oh, sure, they look all innocent and harmless and, sure, they promise hours of imaginative entertainment. It is all just a ruse, my friends! Books, much like guns or the TSA, give you a false sense of security! One minute, you’ll be reading your books all willie
nillie and then suddenly you accidentally pick up a book about the abhorrent conditions of factory farmed animals and POOF you’re a vegetarian. It can happen to you too, my friends! I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, I practice safe book reading”. You poor, naive fool! I once thought as you did. Now look at me. Here I am, a vegetarian. Learn
from my mistakes, my friends! Don’t let the same fate befall you as has befallen me! Make sure the books you read are for entertainment purposes and that they are not trying to teach you to “learn” something. And whatever you do, don’t read “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer. You have been forewarned!
As a lesson to you all, you will be forced to eat like I do. That’s right, the food we cook may be cruelty free this week, but you will suffer by being forced to eat it! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
When: This Wednesday, January 23rd. Cooking starts at 6:30. Food ready by 7:30
What: Hippie Loaf, Applesauce Biscuits, Cajun Chickpea Cakes, Chipotle Roasted Corn Soup
To help alleviate your suffering, I strongly recommend that you bring beer. Lots and lots of beer.
Bring your friends. Bring your booze. Bring your pity (poor Jean-Paul!).
It’s time to eat!